Adventures in Candyland!

“Orange! YES!!! I get to take… The RAINBOW TRAIL!!!”

It’s amazing what Time can do for your relationship with your boys. Spending time having fun with them – especially their kind of fun – makes a big impact. This is re-confirmed to me every time I sit down – or lay down on the floor to be more precise – and play a round or two of Candyland with my sons.

They are absolutely thrilled when I play games with them!

Typical discourse:

Youngest son – “Daddy! Wet’s pway a game!” – An expression of hopeful optimism on his face.

Me – “Sure! What do you want to play?” – As if I don’t know the answer.

Youngest son – With mounting excitement – “CAANDY – WAAAND!!!”

After seeing the joy it brings them, I find myself asking the question, “How could I ever turn this down?” Of course, reality sets in occasionally. I can’t play every time they ask. But I do play most of the time.

The game board. My boys refer to this (and all other game boards) as “the map.” What does this tell you about Daddy?

I’ll give you a hint: it starts with a “g”, and ends with an “amer.”

The adult in us says, “Candyland takes no skill (besides knowing your primary colors and the ability to count to two). It’s the same thing every time. Utterly boring.” This is absolutely true, but it’s not the whole story. I truly enjoy playing Candyland with my boys, because I enjoy my children! You might be thinking, “So? Doesn’t everybody?”

no.

Contrary to what you might think, enjoying our children in an effective way does not come naturally. It’s a skill that has to be acquired and mastered. In our fallen state, we’re all inherently selfish. It takes a decision and then action to put others first. The next step is learning to take pleasure in doing so.

Your children desperately need you to have this skill. There’s a saying that goes: “They won’t care what you know, if they don’t know that you care.” If you want your family to be strong, they need to Know (with a capital – yet silent – “K”) that you’re crazy about them!

“Candyland? Are you serious?! Man… I’ve got better things to do…”

If this is anywhere close to an attitude of yours… watch out! Cuz’ this is in your future:

“Spend time with Dad? Are you serious?! Man… I’ve got better things to do…”

Do something about it.

Comments?

Until next time… game on…



The Gift that Keeps on Training – Part 3

I promise this is the end of this series!

A quick recap (for those just tuning in – you should really read parts 1 and 2 first):

I have put forward that it would be a great idea for fathers to buy their sons a nice, large toolbox on some appropriate occasion (birthday, Christmas, etc.).  The benefits are manifold, but I will briefly re-state only two.  First, it casts a vision for your son(s) that he will one day be a man and needs to look forward to and prepare for that eventuality.  Second, it will be the launching-point for some extremely valuable hands-on training.

*I now pause in order to declare this fundemental truth:   ALL MEN should strive to be – at the very least – handy.*

(do you dare dispute this?!  away from me, you evildoers!!!)

RECAP OVER

Now, you don’t want to give your son an empty toolbox.  Pick a simple, yet indispensable, hand-tool to include with the toolbox.  (You can place it inside, to be “discovered,” or wrap it separately to give the illusion of more presents 🙂

So here’s one of the real gems of this idea:  every Christmas, b-day, etc., you add another tool to your sons toolbox.  It’s a great, positive way of reinforcing your son’s growth and approaching manhood, year after year.

A couple of practical tips:

1.  Don’t buy your 7 year old a hacksaw.  This needs no further explanation – I hope.

2.  Avoid buying any kind of battery operated, latest and greatest, cordless drill or similar tool, unless your son is in his late teens and about to strike out on his own.  What might be the latest and greatest now will be out-of-date and discontinued in a couple of years time.  My eldest is 4.  By the time he’s grown, all manual labor will most likely be performed by sentient robots.  So I’m focusing on providing him with the appropriate tools to keep his droids in good repair – and advanced weaponry for when they turn on their human oppressors.  You have to keep these kinds of things in mind.

What I’m about to discuss next is critical, I believe, for making this whole idea really work.

At almost the same time you give your son a tool – give him something to do with that tool! This plan is not supposed to entail a bunch of unused tools, sitting in a toolbox, collecting dust, waiting for “someday.”  We’re trying to build a level of excitement and anticipation in our sons for being men, for doing good work, and for being useful and self-reliant.  When you give the tool, explain what it is (if necessary), how to properly use it, then offer something your son can help you with (or flat-out do on his own), using the tool.

Here’s a good suggestion.  Start with a simple set of screwdrivers.  Incredibly useful and not very dangerous, as long as no one is running with them.  An example of a  great challenge for a younger son with a new set of screwdrivers would be to replace an interior doorknob.  Even if you don’t need one, they’re not very expensive and very easy to install with only a screwdriver.  Your son will have a meaningful job he can do with his new tool.  The end result will be something that works and that he uses all the time, reminding him every time he opens the door that he can do good, important work.  This kind of thing would be a tremendous confidence builder in a boy – especially if mom and dad make sure to ooh and aah over the job he did.  Your son’s age will of course affect how much help he might need in understanding the instructions, but make sure to let him do the actual work.

As time goes on, think of other minor jobs your son can do with his tools.  It will mean a lot to him to go to his own toolbox to get what he needs to do the work you need him to do.

Which brings up another point:  Dads, you need to stay out of your son’s toolbox.  They’re his tools.  It will greatly minimize the impact of the sense of ownership and responsibility we’re trying to cultivate if dad and son’s tools are a jumbled free-for-all in the garage.

One final note.  Dads.  Buy your sons good tools.  Like the toolbox, the tools are supposed to be with your son from the time they’re given to him and into his adulthood.

As long as it took me to finally get this idea out –  in nearly its entirety, I think it’s a pretty good one – if I say so myself. I’d like to know what you think about it.  Is there something I’m missing or over-estimating?  I would like to hear from you.

God Bless,

Andrew

The Gift that Keeps on Training – Part 2

Once upon a time, I started writing a blog.  Then, after a not-very-long period of time, I stopped writing said blog.

What’s the deal?!  I feel very strongly about the things I’ve written/plan to write about.  But as it turns out, I don’t feel that strongly about the actual writing.  And, to be honest, the numbers haven’t been that encouraging.  The last few posts got about 12 views.  These 12 are undoubtedly blood-relatives and/or mildly curious Facebook surfers.  Which is fine.  I was never trying to inflate an ego with this blog, so the apparent lack of interest doesn’t bother me in that way.  What does bother me – “bother” is too strong a word – what moves me to the level of complete blog apathy, is the combination of (in ascending order of importance) the lack of interest, the amount of “no-fun” writing apparently is to me, and the amount of time involved.

So what am I doing here right now, you ask?  I don’t like to leave things unfinished, so I’m going to give the other half of my Christmas gift idea that I started way-back-when.  And it’s not just about Christmas, so it’s still relevant!

And on top of that, I am going to continue the blog.  I still want to talk about fathers and sons and families and so on.  Posts are just going to be less frequent.  I’ll mention it on Facebook when a new post is available, those interested will know what to do.  For those just stumbling onto this blog, you’ll want to read through the previous posts (there aren’t that many) to get an idea what this thing is about.

Onward!

In my last post I brought up the idea of fathers buying their sons a toolbox for Christmas.  Birthdays are good for this, too.  Helping your sons acquire and learn to use tools will be a great asset to them as they become men, husbands, and fathers.  And if you’re not a real handy guy, it will help you, too!

Part of the training of our sons should be helping them achieve a certain level of self-reliance.  In my opinion, there’s something very unmanly and uninspiring about a grown man with no practical skills beyond the capacity to write a check or swipe a debit card.  I’m not trying to degrade anyone out there, but maybe send a wake-up call.  I used to be like that (a good while ago, now).

What if you make plenty of money and can afford to just let other people do all kinds of simple tasks for you – mow the lawn, change the oil, swap a ceiling fan, etc.?  I still maintain that as a man you should still know how to do these kinds of things for yourself.  You may not always be awash with cash and there may not always be someone willing to do it for you.  And a lot of times, it really is a waste of money to pay someone else to do it.  I really shouldn’t be saying this – I get a lot of work out of people who seemingly can’t turn a screwdriver for themselves!

Let’s look at it in terms of fathers and sons.  You can train your son as he grows to be able to tackle all kinds of tasks by the time he’s on his own.  Or you can train him to pick up the phone and dial for help whenever anything goes wrong.

Let’s say you have these skills, but you also have plenty of money and would rather have someone else do the work.  I totally get that.  But if you’re bringing up boys, you need to reconsider.  Boys need to learn how to work, and they need to learn how to take care of things themselves.  Don’t assume that because you don’t have to do these things yourself, that your sons will enjoy the same circumstances as you when they’re on their own.

Apparently, it’s going to take a Part 3 to finish the toolbox idea.  So be it.  Until next time…

when will that be,,,,, ?

The Gift that Keeps on Training

I’ve begun a new hobby!  It’s called “Not-Blogging.”  It’s really cool.  My pursuit of this hobby is what caused the extended hiatus between posts recently.

But here’s a new one, under a new category where I will place odds-and-ends kind of items.  The following is one of those items.

I have a great Christmas gift idea for your son(s)!  It will carry on year-after-year, and provide room for growth and help instill a vision for their future as men, husbands, and fathers.  It’s not too expensive, either!  What Christmas gift could deliver all that, you ask?  Read on…  Don’t be afraid – I’m not selling anything!

Maybe what I’m about to share is something you’ve seen/heard somewhere before, but I haven’t – and I’ve looked at a lot of parenting/fathering type stuff.  So, I might not be the first to suggest something like this, but it did come into my own head all by itself.  I’ve actually had this idea for a couple of years, but my boys are a little too young to implement it, yet.  You’ll see why.

This gift idea is a male variation of the Hope Chest tradition.  Girls used to be given hope chests (I’m sure some get them), which as they grew up became filled with things they would need to start and run a new home, once they got married.  Nowadays, couples simply register at Wal-Mart before they get married for all their towels, sheets, and cooking utensils.  I still think hope chests are a great thing for girls.  It gets them thinking about the future in a healthy way, focusing on the fact that “HEY!  I’m not going to be a kid forever!”

What hope chests do for girls, my idea will do for boys. 

Tools.  Men need tools.  Your boys will be men.  Boys need to learn to use tools.  Your sons need to learn to appreciate a fine tool.  When your family drives by a Harbor Freight store, your sons should sneer and become agitated.  When they see a Snap-On Tools truck pass by, they should be a-wash with a sense of wonder.  How will they develop these instincts?  You will train them.  This will help.  (for those confused by the above references – Harbor Freight sells really cheap tools, while Snap-On are very high-end)

This Christmas, consider getting your son(s) a new tool box.  A real one.  How old should your son be to start this?  He should be old enough to the point that he doesn’t view a tool as a toy.  My 4-year-old loves tools.  He can identify almost every tool I own.  But they’re still toys in his eyes.  He’s not ready for this, yet.  Maybe next year.

Back to the tool box:  It should be a nice one.  This may be a bit of a financial investment to begin with, but the idea is that this toolbox will stay with him and his tool collection grow with him until he starts a household of his own.  And you as a father will have given your son a great head-start, in terms of tools and know-how.  If you buy him a $10 plastic toolbox, it’s toast long before that time arrives.  Also, you don’t want it to be too small, or it won’t keep up with the tools he receives through the years.  You should spend somewhere between $50 – $100 on this toolbox.  In that range you’ll buy something that will hold up decently well and hold a good amount without being a garage-hogging behemoth.  If that sounds like a lot to spend on a kid’s toolbox, you’re not getting my drift.  You’re not buying a kid’s toolbox.  You’re buying a Man’s toolbox.  Your son is going to grow into it.

This post has gotten long, and I’m only half-way through this idea.  Please be on the lookout for the next one and I’ll recommend how to compliment the toolbox gift.  Also, I’ll talk about how to carry on the idea, year-to-year.  I’ll do my best to post the rest really soon!

God Bless, Andrew

Quantity vs. “Quality” Time

This is a post by a good friend of mine, Kevin. He has three teenage sons and two younger daughters.  He and his boys actively pursue the great past-time:  Dirt-biking.  What follows is not so much about dirt-biking itself, but what spending this time with his sons accomplishes.

From Kevin:

People often look at the images of great wedding photographers and think “Wow, I wish I could get shots like that.” What is not seen are the 1,485 shots from the wedding that he didn’t show you. To get a good photo, you have to take a lot of photos. Sometimes shooting multiple bursts of high-speed photos, only one will capture the moment. The pose, the expression of the face, the position of the eyes make it the “perfect” shot. Photographers spend hours sorting through these images, and present the customer with the one awesome photo. The customer often doesn’t understand that hundreds of the shots are horrible, out of focus, mis-framed and not fit for viewing.

Spending time with your kids is a lot like this example. We have the illusion we can take one shot, er, spend QUALITY time with our kids. What we need is quantity of time. When we spend, or better yet, invest, time with our kids, we need to heed the photographers example. During many hours of time together, there will be boring moments, and moments when we catch the perfect “shot.” It may only last a few seconds, but will be remembered for a
lifetime.

Last weekend, I took my boys on a trip to go dirt biking.  We drove about two hours away and unloaded our bikes on a crisp, nearly raining autumn morning.  It was not perfect weather, but we decided to go ahead with our ride. Before we left sight of our base camp, we had a small breakdown and our group got separated. After a quick repair, we tried to find the rest of the group, and after an hour or so, linked back up. We rode through the woods enjoying the views, but wishing it were warmer. We wound up having a couple of mechanical breakdowns for the day, ran one bike out of gas, and had two accidents that put my boys in huge  water holes that soaked them through and through. One of the “submarine” incidents caused extensive water damage to the motorcycle. After towing it several miles back to the truck, we spent over an hour disassembling and repairing the bike. When we finally got it going, my middle son nearly froze with the wind chill created by riding it.  We got wet, muddy and cold.

We left just before sunset for our trip back home. We decided to stop for a bite to eat and discuss the events of the day with the friends that accompanied us on our outing, but the restaurant we stopped at had just received a tour bus and the wait was more than we could stand. We decided
just to get some “fast food.” It was anything but fast. The wait was over 20 minutes for the food, then of course the order was wrong. We were starving, so we ate it anyway.

We got back on the road, and about 15 miles from home we had a major breakdown that required towing our truck and trailer. We finally got home, hours late at 11 PM. We were exhausted and we still had a truck that was broken down, but needed for family transportation. The parts for the repair were picked up on Monday afternoon and the boys and I began replacing them right after work. Of course, some parts were not the right ones, so a second trip to the parts store was required. You get the idea; the entire weekend was a disaster, spilling over to the workweek.

Or was it? The crashes, and downtime for repair of the submersible  motorcycle made for great cooperation, good conversation and much laughter afterwards. The running-out-of-gas incident gave me and one of my sons an opportunity to fly through the woods, nearly racing, much to his pleasure.  The bad meal is still being talked about. The two hours we spent on the side of the road gave us time to laugh with each other as the police and fire department showed up for our “fire.” (steam) The boys befriended a local policeman who let them sit in the police car to get warm and then take pictures in the back seat. (hey, it was fun for them) The breakdown gave my boys and I another chance to spend time together. They were a huge help fixing the truck, and they learned a lot about water pumps and cooling systems. The wrong parts I received gave my wife an excuse for a much-needed, long overdue date. (even if it included a trip to the auto parts store)

All this to say, if we had gone on a short trip and everything went perfectly, we would likely forget about it in a few weeks or months. The time invested (and some $pent in this case) gave us moments we will never forget and would never have had if we had just decided to spend some “quality time” together between 3 and 4 PM Saturday afternoon. We had to spend a lot of time together, enduring the not so great moments to get the memories that will last a lifetime. Being deliberate about making your hobby take time is important.   Something that requires some travel gives great time in the car to “hang out.”

Remember the photographer? If he went to a wedding every Saturday, spent one hour there and only took one picture for the day, what are the odds it would be the perfect shot? Pretty small. If you are only spending a little “quality time” with your kids, what are the odds making the memories that will last a lifetime? Those magic moments are like the photos, you have to have a lot of moments to get the really good ones.

When Can We Start?

The last aspect of hobbies to discuss is:

#8 Age Appropriateness

The implications of this item should be pretty obvious to everyone, I’m sure.  When laying out a hobby for your consideration, I will let you know to the best of my ability what the appropriate age-range is for the hobby.

I’m pretty sure most of the hobbies I’ll fill you in on will have an indefinite life-span.  It kind of defeats the purpose to start out on a hobby that you and your sons will just grow out of in a year or two.  We’re looking for a connection to carry you through raising them and on into adulthood, if we can find it.  Father and Son paint-by-numbers is not a hobby I would suggest.  😉

Some hobbies have associated products you’ll need to buy.  These will usually have an age recommendation – i.e. “for ages three and up.”  Something I want you to keep in mind when looking at this info, whether I post it on this blog or you’re reading it on the back of some packaging, is that they usually high-ball the age for liability purposes.

Here’s a good example of this, I think.  I was gazing upon some model rockets at a big hobby retailer, and I noticed the age “requirement” was 10 years old – with adult supervision.  My initial thought was “Oh, brother.”  I’ve launched these things before, and there’s not a whole lot that can go wrong in the safety department.  If you’re not holding the rocket when it goes off, pointing it at your friend’s face when it goes off, or cooking the engines on the grill – you’re pretty much good to go!  It’s a little something I like to call common sense, followed closely by reading the directions! 

aren't I a genius?

That being said, I don’t want to be sued either, so I’m going to list the age recommendations regardless.  And just to be on the safe side, let me clearly state:

“If you or anyone you love is under 10 years of age, and they launch, handle, or even look at a model rocket, they will be instantly killed.  Thank you.”

What I’m getting at is an underlying principle I call Know Your Son.  You are the best person to know what is safe and appropriate for you and your children to do.  And therefore, you are ultimately responsible for making these kinds of choices.  But you need to be able to honestly judge your son’s character and abilities.  Does your son have a hard time turning off “silly?”  Is a box of matches on the countertop an irresistible temptation to mayhem?  Is he a natural clutz?  These (and others) are things you seriously need to work on.  And in the meantime, you should pick a safer hobby and stick with the age requirements.

On the flip-side, some of you know your sons are more mature and level-headed than their age would suggest.  They can probably handle and benefit from a more advanced hobby – especially since you’ll be right there!

God Bless, Andrew

A couple of post-scripts, here.  Several of you have broadcast to your friends about this blog, and for that, I am very grateful.  I really am trying to help people with this, and not fulfill some desire to be “heard.”  I feel obnoxious every time I post on Facebook – “Check out my blog!  Check out my blog!  Check out my blog!”  Still, I do want traffic.  I don’t know how long it takes or what lengths you have to go to in order to make that happen, but your help would be amazing!  Please get the word out – some more!  And if you know of ways I can do more – please let me know. 

On a less self-aggrandizing note, my next post will be the first on a specific hobby.  It will kick off with an actual account of a friend of mine pursuing his hobby with his three sons.  There will be pictures too!  Gosh!

Using Words to Communicate

I sincerely apologize for the several-day hiatus between posts.  Every night this weekend (and all day Sunday), I was wracked with the most aggravating headaches.  Friday night’s was the worst headache I’ve ever had in my life – I do not exaggerate.  I feel better now.  Thank you.

ONWARD!

The next hobby quality is the Conversation Factor.

#7 Conversation Factor

The whole point of me pushing hobbies (and you hopefully taking them up) is to help us dads build relationships with our sons.  I think everybody knows that by now.  I mean, if I have to spell r-e-l-a-t-… (not going to do it!), I think I’ll gag.  I know I’m a broken record with this – so – moving on…

The ultimate goal is to have raised men (real men, not children in 18+ year-old bodies), to turn them loose, to unleash godliness and conservatism – my aims – on an unsuspecting world! 

In doing so, I think a lot of fathers err too much on the side of “teaching by example” and pay little-to-no attention to the effect their words can have on their sons.  This is a natural thing, since men aren’t big talkers by nature.  I’ve heard/read that women, on average, use about 55,000 words a day – enough to last them all day.  Men however, have a tendency to burn up their allotment of 35,000 words while at work – to the everlasting frustration of their wives!  When they get home, they don’t have much to say.

As I stated in an earlier post, we husbands and fathers have to save some energy, enthusiasm, and – yes – conversation, for our wives and children in the evening.

In addition to setting a great example of manhood for our sons, we need to talk to them about the important things in life.  There are a lot of subtleties and complexities that are not going to be conveyed to your son by your actions alone, no matter how “Like a Rock” (can you hear Bob Seger?) you may live your life.  You’re gonna have to have a talk with the boy!

I’m not suggesting sermonizing at him.  Talking about the important things will go a lot easier if the two (or more) of you are used to talking often about less important things.  Too often, whenever a father asks the son to come talk to him, the son thinks, “Heeere we go!… What’s this going to be about?”  This is because they rarely ever talk in a normal capacity.

A shared hobby can provide plenty of opportunity for non-awkward conversation.  You’ll talk about what you’re doing, have done, the next step, related stories, and on and on.  Once you’ve got some common verbal ground, it will be an easy thing to branch-off into non-hobby topics.  Then these can provide a natural bridge to some of those important things you’ve been meaning to talk to Junior about.

AAAaaallll that being said, as I discuss a hobby in future posts, I will describe how conversation-friendly it may or may not be.  Some great hobbies for fathers and sons aren’t very talkative and some are.  For example (should you need one), if you and your sons take up model airplane building, you’ll basically be at home, sitting next to each other, gluing pieces of plastic together.  The actual doing of this hobby is virtually silent.  There’s ample time to talk about – whatever.  On the other end of the spectrum, father and son having a conversation while hunting deer in a tree-stand is going to be pretty self-defeating.  Of course, that’s not to say they couldn’t have great chats to and from the hunting camp.

I don’t think this aspect is a make-or-break for a hobby you choose.  If your hobby doesn’t lend itself to much talk, you’ll still be building a relati… bond with your son.  You’ll just have to make up the talk-time somewhere else.  Totally do-able.

God Bless, Andrew

Learning and Costing

Here go the next two qualities I want to detail before I get into actual hobbies for father and son.  In the previous two posts, I discussed Frequency, The Manhood Factor, Activity, and Hands-On Level.  Next follows the Educational Factor and Affordability.

#5  The Educational Factor

Immediately, you might think to rename this “the boredom factor,”  and though there might be a danger of that, there doesn’t have to be.  First off, DON’T use your “hobby” as a back-handed way of tutoring your falling-behind-in-school son.

hypothetical conversation

 “Gee, Billy!  I sure am enjoying our new fishing hobby!  Say… would you mind counting the number of worms in our bucket?  Wow, that many?!  What if I use three of ’em – how many do we have left?  Hey Billy, while we’re on the subject – what’s the square-root of eighty-one?”

The point is for the both of you to be having a good time together!  If you make a lesson plan out of it, chances are he won’t have that much interest in it.  And you probably won’t have much fun, either.  Defeating the Purpose!

Having said that, you also don’t want to make the mistake of choosing something totally vapid and meaningless as an activity you and your son spend a lot of time doing.  You don’t want to train your son to enjoy spending lots of time doing worthless things.  For example, at some point I’ll probably discuss the hobby of collecting.  There are a LOT of people spending a LOT of time and money collecting absolute junk.  A boy and his father tracking down and collecting Power Rangers memorabilia is a pretty worthless pursuit, in my opinion.  You learn nothing of value, the things themselves have no intrinsic value (“This stuff’s gonna be worth a lot of money – some day!”), it contributes nothing to the growth of you or your son.  Collecting coins on the other hand, could have a lot of benefits.  Coins have history behind them, there are economics behind them, they have intrinsic value, they are a recognized investment, and so on.  You can learn valuable things from that kind of hobby.

Again, don’t pick a hobby like coin-collecting for its educational value alone, pick it because you and your son are interested, AND it has positive benefits for the two of you.  A lot of pursuits have this kind of learning potential.  A hobby involving some kind of engine can teach you and your son engineering, physics, chemistry, mechanics, and more.  A hobby like historical wargaming can teach history, tactics, economics, and logistics.  If your son is having fun, the learning comes naturally.  And again, learning is not the main objective, you and your son’s relationship is.

#6  Affordability

In the discussion of a particular hobby, I will get specific about some of the costs involved in picking up a certain past-time.  This aspect of the hobby will, of course, be relative to your financial situation.  What’s expensive to me, may be dirt-cheap for you.

A couple of things to consider when looking at the price tag:

Think of the money you spend as an investment – an investment directly into your relationship with your son.  I say this to motivate those of you who have a hard time turning a dollar loose for the sake of a good time.  If your son is able to make some money or receives it as gifts sometimes, have him contribute.  If the two of you are about to take up RC cars, you may want to opt for the entry level car to see if it’s something you’ll both want to stick with.  Your son, however, may want to dive right in to something more advanced.  There will be a price difference.  Suggest to your son, that if he wants to start with the fancier car, that he pay the difference in cost.  That way you’re both invested financially in spending this time together.  Having spent money on something definitely helps some guys stick to that something (i.e. “I paid for the gym membership, I’m not gonna let it go to waste!”).

The second thing to consider should be fairly obvious.  Can you afford it?  Father/Son corvette collecting is not in everyone’s budget!  That’s an extreme example.  To bring it back down to earth, I think golf might serve some fathers and sons well.  But it’s pricey.  It’s not out-of-this-world pricey, but how often could your family finances allow you and your son to hit the links?  Remember Frequency is important.  What good is a relationship-building hobby that you can only do so seldom, that you and your son have forgotten what you talked about the last time you did it?  Not much.

Well, this has gotten “wordy” enough.  I’ll cover the last two qualities next time.

God Bless, Andrew

Energy to Burn

After covering Frequency and The “Manhood” Factor in the last post, I’ll address the next two qualities.  These two are somewhat related.

The next characteristic of a hobby I’ll discuss is the amount of activity involved.

#3  Activity Level

There are some hobbies that are mental and some that are physical.  There are some that are relaxing and some that are stimulating.  What’s right for you and your boy(s)?

Here’s a dilemma you alone can solve:  Do you choose a hobby whose activity level suits your son, or challenges your son?  Here’s what I mean.  Let’s say your son enjoys video games and shies away from sports.  Do you pick something that’s more mental, like building models, because he’s more likely to enjoy it?  Or do you pick something more physical, like hiking, because he really needs to get outside and get some exercise for a change?  The opposite could also be true, of course.  Your son might live outside, and need something to settle him down every now and then and have him think through something.

Both approaches have valid points.  Almost the whole point is to spend enjoyable time with your son.  You can’t lightly go with something that totally turns him off.  However, I think fathers are completely capable of inspiring and challenging their sons to break out and try something different.  If you know your son really needs to change or grow in some way, you have to do something about it.  If you choose a hobby that seems to go against your son’s grain, you have to make extra effort to make it fun for the both of you.

Also, it’s quite possible to find an activity that has a good balance of both physical and mental activity. 

#4  Hands-On Level

At first glance this might seem redundant after Activity, but I’m going to make a clear distinction.  When I evaluate the Hands-On nature of a hobby, I’m going to be looking at how much there is to do, to make, to build, etc., within the hobby.  This quality doesn’t reflect how much running around or physical exertion is involved.  I think this is a very important thing for boys.  It’s kind of a blend of thinking and doing.  A hobby with a lot of hands-on quality will have a father teaching his son (and perhaps learning himself) how to build a model rocket, plan a model train layout, repair a dirt-bike engine, or a hundred other things.  It’s a big confidence-builder for a boy to learn to make something – acquire skills.

So, think about your situation.  What would you and your son like to do?  Is there an area you and/or your son could stand to branch out in?  Pick a hobby with an activity level to match.  And you can’t go wrong with a lot of hands-on activity.

I don’t exactly have a million readers, yet (only 999,960 to go!), but for those out there, I would love to hear what you’re doing, planning to do, and so forth.  Please comment!  WordPress is kind of stinky, in that the comments can’t appear just below the corresponding post.  But they’re there.  Click on the comment tab at the top of the post to see them all.  Comment on the comments, also.

Remember, after I get through these preliminary topics, important though they are, I’ll dive into the plusses and minuses of actual hobbies.  I’ll also give tips for getting started with one that captures your interest.

God Bless, Andrew

Fine Qualities

Sorry this is a little late, couldn’t really be helped.  I really do want to put posts up pretty frequently, so don’t give up checking here for something new.  On that note, I know it’s possible to subscribe to this blog via an “RSS” feed.  I don’t really understand how it works, but it’s at the bottom of every page (I think).  The point is that if you subscribe, you will automatically be notified when there’s a new post.  Enjoy.  If anyone has working knowledge of RSS feeds, I would greatly appreciate a tutorial left as a comment.  That would be truly great!

Enough of this!!!  On to the subject at hand.  In my last actual post, I said I would go into some potential pitfalls that you might fall into when starting or pursuing a hobby with your son(s).   Buuutttt…  I’m just not feeling it…

So instead, I’m going to start sharing the qualities I’m going to look for and discuss as I eventually start laying out specific hobbies you may want to try.  I won’t cover all 8 characteristics in one post, but let’s see how far I get.

I think these are really important considerations for you to mull over as you decide if this is something You and Your Boys would enjoy/benefit from.

First, I’ll discuss a couple of “unwritten laws,” qualities not included in the list of 8.  To begin with, I’m not going to spend time on regional hobbies that are not available to a large majority of the country.  Father/Son igloo building and/or Hawaiian pipeline surfing are right out!  Also, the things I bring up will be inherently wholesome.  Father/Son tattoo collecting is also right out!

#1 Frequency (these are not numbered according to importance)

How often can you realistically work on this hobby?  The importance of this should be fairly obvious.  If you pick “Father/Son Solar-Eclipse Watching” as your hobby, it won’t be a real relationship-builder, because you’ll hardly ever be able to do it.  Factors involved in this category:  Do you have to drive somewhere to do this, or can you do it at home?  Is it seasonal?  Does daytime or nighttime matter?  Some hobbies are sitting in your garage able to be worked on every night.  Others may require a drive on the weekend to pursue.  If an activity you think will work for your family can’t be done at least once every two weeks, you may want to find another or more than one to choose.

#2 The “Manhood” Factor

A secondary goal of this blog is to fight androgyny!!!  This may seem a little obvious to many here, but it bears stating:  Boys should grow up to be men – the manlier, the better!  Girls should grow up to be women – the more feminine, the better.  Vive la Difference!  The hobbies and activities brought to your attention here will be decidedly masculine.  Father/Son Embroidery and/or Quiche-baking is RIGHT OUT!!!  (I feel a little less manly for even knowing how to spell “keesh!”)  When I say “manhood,” that’s not to say that every activity introduced will involve grunting and feats of strength, but I’m going to discuss the ways the particular hobby can help build skills and knowledge your son(s) should have as a man.

**I may at times be inspired to share an activity for daughters – after all, I have the most adorable daughter there is (don’t comment on that, it’s not up for discussion!).  But it will be clearly stated as being for girls.  Maybe some of the things brought up in the normal discourse here can be adapted for you and your daughter, but be careful.  Is Father/Daughter small-engine repair something you really want to pursue?  You want her pursuits to lead her to greater womanhood – not boyish grease-monkeyhood.  Are you detecting some conservative, anti-feminism?  ‘Cuz I’m laying it on pretty thick, here.**

So, roll those around a little bit.  Is there a hobby you have or been thinking about?  How does it rate in the categories listed above?  Let me know what you think!  As always, it’s great to hear from you, and I almost always respond to the comments I receive.  The next few qualities will follow soon.  Until then,

God Bless, Andrew